so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you made out with another girl for some wings
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
