I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
