That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
