Don't make out with my wife yet
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
