peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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