I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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