There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My balls are so social today.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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