Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
