No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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