white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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