i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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