I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
