how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
