is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
