He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
