don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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