It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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