Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
