My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
