Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
