He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just cropdusted the office
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
