I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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