Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
