That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
