i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
