he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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