found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
