i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
