The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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