never play flip cup with pint glasses
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You made out with two different species that night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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