i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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