is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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