winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
