I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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