physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
