New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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