I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
