Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
