I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
