Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
