Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
