I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
