It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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