Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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