Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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