you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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