Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
