WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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