Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
