Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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